


Alone

by ashandkriegs



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5134880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashandkriegs/pseuds/ashandkriegs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashlyn is going to Orlando and Ali is staying in D.C. Can they make it work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Washington, D.C., October 30, 2015._

Ali stood motionlessly as she watched Ashlyn pack the last of her stuff into a box. She was moving out of their home, the one they'd made for themselves when they started playing for the Spirit together. It had been their fresh start after the break-up and their time in Germany, the place where they'd talked through everything and put their relationship on the amazing path it was on now.

"Babe?" Ashlyn said, still focused on closing the box, but looking up when she received no reaction. "Alex?"

Ali shook her head quickly, snapping out of her thoughts, trying to force a smile. Ashlyn was going to Orlando in the upcoming Expansion draft, there was no way around it. Tom had hinted at "bringing local players home" and Ashlyn's eyes had sparkled from the moment the NWSL had announced their 2016 expansion team would be the Orlando Pride. She knew Ashlyn would be happy there, but as soon as her eyes landed on her beautiful girlfriend, Ali couldn't stop the tears from flowing over anymore.

"I..." she started, but was unable to get another word out. Ashlyn quickly closed the space between them, wrapping the brunette in a tight embrace.

"Shhh, Alex... It's all gonna be alright." she tried to calm her down.

"How could it be alright? We're gonna be apart again, just like it always seems to be when things are going well." she got out between sobs.

"Do you not want me to go?" Ashlyn asked.

"No... I mean, yes. I mean... you have to go. It's your hometown, your chance to do something for the sport in your community. And I took the chance when I got it, so..."

Ashlyn sighed. They had talked about it for hours, probably days, and Ali had been nothing but supportive. Still, it was going to be a test for their relationship, as long-distance usually was.

"Ali... Alex." Ashlyn nudged her girlfriend's chin upwards slightly so she could look into her eyes. "You know how much I love you, right?" Ali nodded slowly. "But I also love my home. I've been away from home for so long, sometimes it's hard to remember where it is. My family, my friends... They deserve to see me play without having to take days off work to travel to wherever I am."

"I know, and it's the right thing to do, I know that." Ali had pushed away from Ashlyn slightly, needing to get some space. "It's just... how can you be sure this isn't going to hurt us? How can you be sure this isn't going to break us up again?"

Ashlyn buried her hands in the pockets of her jeans, staring at the floor. "Cause I won't let it."

It was Ali's turn to sigh. "That's great, but you know it won't be that easy. One week, I'll be playing in Seattle, you'll be playing in Orlando, we won't even have time to Skype. Next week, I might be in D.C., while you're in Portland or whatever."

Ashlyn shrugged. "We'll make it work. We always have. And where is all of this coming from right now? I mean, it's not like we haven't talked about it before..."

"Well, I changed my mind. Seeing you move out... it's just too much for me. I thought I would be fine and that I could just be happy for you, but Ash... I can't."

Ashlyn inhaled sharply. "You can't? You think this is fun for me, leaving you, leaving D.C., leaving the Spirit and our teammates?  You know this wasn't an easy choice to make, but I had to make it. And what happened to, _'Don't worry, Ash, I'll just try and get traded to Orlando next season, we'll be together then'_?" she asked, imitating Ali's voice slightly, but immediately realizing she had made a mistake in doing so.

Ali's face changed from sad to furious in a split-second. "You know what? Go, Ashlyn. I'm sorry for caring so much about our stupid relationship that I actually worry about what this is gonna do to us! I'm sorry that I'm not giving up my career to run off to fucking Orlando with you!"

"I never said..." The goalkeeper protested weakly.

"Just... go, Ashlyn. Do what you gotta do."

"But what about us?" Ashlyn asked, tears stinging in her eyes now as well. How had this gotten so out of hand? The first time they'd talked about it, they'd planned ahead, talking about settling down in Florida, looking at houses, thinking about starting a family with both Ash's family and Ali's mom and stepdad nearby to maybe help out with the kids, dreaming of barbecues on Sunday afternoons after surfing with her friends. All of it seemed to be so far away right now.

Ali just shook her head, staring at her feet. "I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

"You're not hearing me, Alex. What happens when I take those boxes to my car and leave for Orlando? Am I gonna call you when I get there? Are we gonna skype? Are we gonna talk, like, at all?"

"I just... I think I need some time, Ashlyn." Ali said, still not looking up.

"So this is...?" Ashlyn started, already being afraid of the answer.

"A break?" Ali asked more than answered, hoping for Ashlyn to make some grand gesture, to turn this conversation around, to make the pain all go away in an instant, as she usually did so well.

Instead, there was nothing but a silent scoffing to be heard from the blonde. "Fine, you got it." With that, Ashlyn threw her suitcase onto the box, lifted it up and walked out the door, slamming it closed behind her with her foot.

Ali could only watch through the kitchen window as the love of her life drove off to her new old life, with all her friends and family around, while she was now standing in a half-empty house by herself, sniffling into the sleeves of her sweater. It was only then that she realized it wasn't hers, but rather Ashlyn's old UNC sweater she had been crying into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so sorry for this... I wanted to write fluff and this is what happened instead. I just had to put some of my feels somewhere.


	2. Draft Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for today, but I kinda love-hate this story so much, so I guess I'll update again tomorrow. ;) For now... thanks for reading, I love you all! :)

_Washington, D.C., November 2, 2015._

Ali woke up on the day of the Expansion Draft with a headache. She wasn't sure if it was because she'd cried herself to sleep like every night since Ashlyn had left or because she'd tried to dull the pain with the remainder of Ashlyn's favorite whiskey the night before.

Rolling over on the couch, she grabbed an ibuprofen off the coffee table and quickly washed it down. She had regretted what she'd said for three days and three nights, not even wanting to sleep in the bed she and Ashlyn had shared for the past two years, so she'd settled for the couch instead.

Sitting up, she reached for her phone, switching it on for the first time in two days, immediately feeling overwhelmed by seemingly never-ending buzzing noise.

Twitter notifications - @Ashlyn_Harris: So cute. I love this!!! (picture)

@Ashlyn_Harris: Well done (picture)

Out of habit, she tapped on it, revealing people's tweets at Ashlyn - how they'd dressed up as her and Ali for Halloween. But why would she be retweeting those? Was she regretting what happened as much as Ali did? Or was she just playing along with people's obsessions about 'Krashlyn', as they were called by some fans online?

She closed the app and checked the other notifications. Five missed calls from Kyle, two from her mother... none from Ashlyn. She hadn't even tried calling. Ali felt the anger inside her beginning to make its way to the surface again. No "I'm sorry for what happened"? Not even a "Got to Orlando safely"? Apparently, she really didn't care that much about their relationship... or what was left of it.

Her phone buzzed again. Another Twitter notification. The NWSL account. Ali checked the time - 12:09 p.m. The draft was happening already.

@NWSL: With the 1st pick in the #NWSL Expansion Draft, @ORLPride select Meghan Klingenberg (Seattle Reign FC)

 _Poor Kling_ , Ali thought, _she's gonna be thrown around like a hot potato today_. She felt her heart start pounding in her throat as she refreshed the page.

@NWSL: With the 2nd pick in the #NWSL Expansion Draft, @ORLPride select Ashlyn Harris (Washington Spirit)

She barely made it to the bathroom before her stomach decided to turn on her. Ali had never thrown up because of alcohol in her life, and she knew this wasn't because of the whiskey, either. Sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom, she made a decision.

_Orlando, Florida, the same day._

Ashlyn was ecstatic. The Pride had picked her, basically with their first pick, since the official first pick had only been Kling so they could fulfill their contractual duties from the Alex Morgan trade.

Her phone was buzzing nonstop since the announcement had been made. Her brother, her mom, her dad, all of her friends were going crazy about the fact they would be able to watch her play around where she grew up and first started playing. Not wanting to seem unprofessional, she switched her phone to silent, knowing she'd have to call back everyone later to thank them for their kind words and wishes.

She wrote her name on the Pride's draft board, first making a joke about crossing out Alex Morgan, her eyes lingering for a second over the still-empty right back position before she focused on getting her name into the right place. After her short press conference with Tom, she excused herself, telling people she had to calm down her very excited family.

Looking at her phone, the first thing that registered with her was a missed call. From Ali. She sighed. As much as she had wanted to call her, it had been Ali's decision to turn one of the best moments of her life into one of the worst. She had spent countless hours tossing and turning in her bed and had spent her mornings trying to mask the effects of the stress and the insomnia with make-up. She couldn't call Ali, not now anyways. But, she decided, she could at least listen to the voicemail Ali had left.

 _"Listen, Ash...can we talk? I'll be home all day, I guess, I know it's a busy one for you, so just... whenever you get the chance."_ Ashlyn was about to delete the message, when she heard Ali's voice from the speaker again. _"And congratulations on being the first pick."_

Ashlyn felt a tear slip from her eyes. It didn't matter how many people told her how great it was she was coming home, or how proud her family was, or how happy the fans were... As angry as she was at Ali, nothing was more important than knowing Ali was paying attention to her life, understanding that she had indeed been the first pick. Not like in the 2010 WPS Draft, when she had been the 19th pick. Yes, of course, that year that been rife with incredible talent, the first couple of picks being Tobin, Cheney, KO and even her best friend, Whit. But she hadn't even been the first goalkeeper drafted, with Alyssa going 8 picks before her.

Her thumb drifted towards the "Call" button, but then she remembered what Ali had said.

_"I just... I think I need some time, Ashlyn."_

Maybe she had to give her that time, regardless of what her voicemail had said. Maybe she had to give herself some time as well. _At least tonight_ , she thought to herself as she switched back to all the texts from her friends, starting to make plans for an evening full of partying, celebrating and reveling in the feeling of being home and being surrounded by the people who had known her all her life.


	3. I'll be there for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments and notes on how you were crying after reading this (for which I truly am sorry, you can mail any receipts for excess tissue use to me ;) ) Hopefully, this won't be the last chapter for today, so a short one for now. ;)

_Washington, D.C._

Night had fallen over D.C. and since she still hadn't heard from Ashlyn, Ali had resorted to another round of drinking and stalking Ashlyn on social media. She'd watched the snapchat takeover, realizing how amazing Ashlyn looked in purple and how damn adorable she was tagging people's cars with Orlando Pride magnets. She'd watched the press conferences, hearing Ashlyn talk about how change was a good thing and how excited she was to be playing in her own backyard, as she had put it.

"CHANGE FUCKING SUCKS, ASHLYN!" she'd yelled at her phone.

But, even with all the anger and disappointment inside of her, she couldn't deny that she loved the woman. That stupid, adorable, hot, cocky goalkeeper.

She opened Twitter and retweeted the Spirit's "thank you" toward Ashlyn, but not without leaving her own comment on the subject.

 _"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!Don't go. Sike, it's totally cool. I'm fine. It'll be good. I'll be fine..."_ She basically keysmashed her phone for some emojis and hit send.

_Orlando, Florida_

As soon as she'd been done with done with all the official appointments, Ashlyn had thrown herself into her jeep and driven down to Satellite Beach where her friends had organized a "Welcome home" party for her. As soon as she got out of the car, she was greeted by what seemed to be half her hometown, including her friends from high school, her surfer friends and her family. Everybody was hugging her and she was filled with the unbelievable emotion of being _home_ and being where she was supposed to be.

Her phone buzzed. Hoping it would be Ali, she quickly slipped into a more quiet corner of the beach park and pulled out her phone. _Incoming call: Whitney Engen._

"Yeah, Whit, what's up?"

The first thing Ashlyn heard was a high squealing voice. "OHMYGODASH I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUUU!" Whit screamed into the phone.

She truly never failed to be supportive, Ashlyn thought and smiled into her phone. "Thanks, Whit, I appreciate it... And oh gosh, it's just... so great being here. I just got to Satellite and there's like hundreds of people here, just welcoming me back..."

Whit sighed. She had always been the responsible one in their friendship, the one that had forced Ashlyn to talk about things she would've rather kept inside. "Yeah, but one person's missing, isn't she?"

"Whit..." Ashlyn started, but was interrupted by her best friend.

"Ash... what's going on? Wasn't she supposed to go down there with you for all the celebrations and partying and everything?" Whitney asked, seriously confused about everything she'd seen on Twitter.

"That was before she decided she couldn't support me coming here anymore." Ashlyn snarled.

Now she was even more confused. Ali Krieger was just about the most supportive person she'd ever met, always encouraging people to do what she felt was right for them. "Wait, what? I mean, her tweet wasn't anything other than what I expec-"

"TWEET? What tweet?" Ashlyn jumped on her words, immediately switching Whit to speaker and opening the Twitter app to Ali's dashboard.

She read Ali's tweet, almost hearing it in Ali's mumble, "I'm fine. It'll be good." If she'd said it to her in person, she probably would've been fidgeting, looking at her feet, shrugging her shoulders ever so slightly, looking so darn cute Ash wanted to wrap her up into a hug...

"Ash, you still there?" she heard Whit's voice ask her.

"Ash... what did she say? I mean, I'm just assuming she said something and you got pissed and the two of you got into a fight and then she pushed you away and you gladly took the opportunity."

Ashlyn stood at the border between the grass of the park and the sand of the beach, her mouth gaping open, amazed at her best friend's ability to pinpoint exactly what had happened based on a tweet and a couple of words.

"She... she said she wanted to be unconditionally happy for me, but she couldn't because it was too hard for her, seeing me move out." She tried to recall more details of their conversation. "And she called our relationship stupid." She paused again to think. "And she said she was sorry about not being able to run off to, and I quote, 'fucking Orlando' with me."

Whitney stifled a laugh. "Oh, Jesus, Ash..."

"What? Is there anything funny about my misery?"

Whitney exhaled, as if she was just about to explain nuclear physics to a dog. "Okay, Harris, listen closely, cause I'm about to blow your mind. And I promise, I'll try to explain it in Ashlyn-compatible words." She couldn't see Ashlyn furrow her brow in confusion, so she continued. "First things first, Ali said she wants to be unconditionally happy for you. That's important, because she's apparently trying very hard to push her own feelings aside. The fact that she's failing, or rather, the fact that she failed in doing so while you had just emptied out your home, doesn't really cloud that in any way. Imagine if it was the other way around. Imagine if you'd had to watch her pack up and leave."

"Are you saying I would've been just as bad?" Ashlyn asked, slowly trying to process Whit's words.

"Oh, you would've been so much worse." She laughed. "And I'm guessing she said 'stupid relationship' way after you'd already lost it, am I right?"

Ashlyn was becoming frustrated with the truth bombs her best friend was dropping on her, but realizing it was her own fault. "It's possible." The party crowd had found her again, so she knew she had to wrap up her conversation with Whit. "So what do you suggest?"

Whit thought for a moment and smiled to herself. "You just enjoy your party, I'm gonna follow up on a hunch and I'll call you in the morning, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Whit. For everything."

"Sure, that's what friends are for. And Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid tonight."

"I'll do my best."

After they'd hung up, Whitney pulled out the pen of her tablet and drew a black Nike Washington Spirit goalkeeper jersey onto a picture of an adorable kitten and scribbled Ash's signature "Meow" next to it. She tweeted it to Ali, commenting, _"_ _don't worry... I have a plan._ _I think I found you a suitable replacement."_

Now, all she had to do was wait. She had chosen her words carefully, trying to feel out where Ali's mind was at. If she jumped onto the "Don't worry" part, Whit would know that Ali was mainly sad and more desperate than anything else. If she got angry at the "suitable replacement" part, she was in the "nobody will ever be as great as Ashlyn" mindset and all she had to do was nudge her into starting the conversation with the goalkeeper. And if she latched onto "I have a plan", she would know she'd talked to Ashlyn and probably try to interrogate her. But Whit was ready for anything and it didn't take long before her phone started buzzing with messages from Ali.


	4. Let's talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I'm just not a very organized writer, I guess... I keep letting life get in the way and write whenever I really feel like it... But here's another chapter, I hope you'll enjoy.

Whit looked at Ali's newest message that had come after a whole slew of "Hahaha, very funny, Engen" and similar messages.

_Ali Krieger: So I guess Ash told you everything._

_Whitney Engen: Got time to skype?_

_Ali Krieger: Sure - it's not like someone's waiting for me._

_"Excellent",_ Whit thought to herself. _"She's still sulking, this is gonna be tough."_

Two minutes later, Ali popped up on her iPad screen.

"Hey Kriegs... So I guess I shouldn't be asking you how you're holding up, huh?"

She studied Ali's face. Her usually bright, sparkly eyes were now red and swollen and accompanied by dark shadows underneath them. Her lips looked chapped and her entire face was slightly puffy.

"Yeah, that would SUCK!" Oh. Ali was drunk. Whit had known Ali long enough to know that when she started yelling single words in sentences, her impulse control was impaired, usually due to alcohol. "Anyway, Whiiiiiit... Why'd ya wanna talk? I mean, shouldn't you be on Ashlyn's side? I'm probably not gonna get you in the settlement." Ali let out a bitter laugh.

"Relax, Ali... First of all, I'm on no one's 'side'. Two of my best friends are going through a rough patch and I'm trying to help those two poor, stubborn idiots. Second, don't talk about this like it's a divorce or something. It's just the first fight where deep down, you really don't want the same thing. So you both gotta get the know that feeling before you can figure this out."

"You know who's a STUBBORN idiot?" Ali proceeded to yell for emphasis, making Whit wince at the distorted noise her iPad's speakers made. "Ash... AshLYN Michelle Harris."

Whit bit her lip to keep herself from laughing at the way Ali was accentuating her words and kept slurring them together.

"Did she tell you what she said? What she did? I mean, she juss... went ahead and left!" Ali was, of course, over-dramatizing the situation and replaying it through the very inaccurate filter of her drunken, lonely mind.

"Ali, we both know that's not true. You talked about her going to Orlando, it was okay, and then it was too much to handle for you. And I get that. Ash might not, because she's so ecstatic about Florida right now, but I understand that. Sometimes, things don't hurt unless they're actually happening."

"SEEEEE?! That's what I meant, but Ashlyn doesn't get it... Maybe I should be dating YOU instead!" Ali said jokingly and tried to look sexy, but in reality, it just looked like half of her face had gone asleep without her and the other was trying to lick the screen.

"Seriously, I love you, but not like that." Whit laughed. "Besides, we both know you and Ash are meant for each other."

"Meant for each other? MEANT for each other? Then why do we fight, like, all the time?"

Whit sighed. "Because you two are crazy about each other. You're both so incredibly passionate about everything you do, but you're also both bullheaded perfectionists and you're always in such a relentless pursuit for perfection that you sometimes don't realize what you've already accomplished and how fucking great that is!" She had talked herself into a rage by now. If anything could set calm, levelheaded Whitney Engen off, it was people who were clearly in love who couldn't make things work. "Do you even know that there are people on the internet who label you two as 'relationship goals'? Jesus Christ, Ali, do you even realize what the two of you have been through? Seriously, think."

Whitney's loud rant had cleared Ali's head slightly and she was indeed thinking now.

"Krieger, that was not a rhetorical question, I want answers. I want you to tell me what you and Ash have been through. And I swear to God, if you try to create some artificial distance to her in your mind by calling her 'Ashlyn' again, I will come over there and smack you. Nobody's heard you call her that in years."

Ali was chewing on her bottom lip, something she always did when she was nervous. It had taken a toll on her usually so soft, pink lips.

"Okay, ummm..." Ali started, her voice so quiet her laptop's microphone could barely pick it up.

"Speak up, mumbles. And start from the beginning." Whit knew she was showing Ali some tough love right now, but it seemed like the first part of plan was starting to work.

"When I was in Germany and Ashl... Ash wasn't... And we skyped and sometimes feel asleep with the computers still on."

"Good one, go on."

"When she came to Germany for me, even though she hates learning languages and she hates cold weather. Or when we were broken up and she still visited me in the hospital after I woke up from my ACL surgery. And when I didn't make the Olympic roster and Ash was there and we got back together."

Whitney smiled. Ali was getting closer and closer to the point Whit had been trying to make. "Next?"

Even through the drunken haze that lay over Ali's facial expressions, Whit noticed a change. The penny had dropped.

"When I wanted to go to D.C. after Germany because I missed home." Ali buried her head in her hands and mumbled again, but just loud enough so Whit could hear it, "And Ash came with me without a second thought."

"Now, those last two realizations you had... what did you learn from those?" Whit knew she was basically acting like a therapist right now, but she'd learned a lot about psychology as a Political Science major and she had never felt better about using that knowledge than right now.

"That Ash was always there..." Ali admitted sheepishly.

"And?"

"That I was really glad when we got back together."

"M-hm... Do you remember what you both promised each other back then?"

"That we'd never spend another day apart if it wasn't necessary." Ali's guilty conscience was evident in her words now. She sniffled softly, tears running down her cheeks now. "And... And that Ash followed me without a moment's hesitation."

Whit nodded, a sad smile on her face, even though her plan for Ali had worked out almost perfectly. She just hated having to see a friend like this.

"Now, Ali... one more question..."

"Yeah, Whit?"

"What do you want? Like, really. Because it all comes down to this right now..." She gave Ali a second to prepare herself. "Is being in D.C. for another year worth giving up on this amazing thing that you and Ash have?"

Before Ali could even open her mouth, Whit was gone, leaving the brunette staring at a black screen, alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what do you think?
> 
> 1) Was Whit too tough on Ali? Or just right?   
> 2) Which are your favorite "What Ali and Ash have gone through and done for each other" moments?   
> 3) How many more chapters do you want this to go on for? Because I'm honestly torn between dragging it out and going AU or sticking to reality and adorable togetherness that they showed at the UNC game on Friday...


End file.
